Saturday, April 11, 2020

Reckoning Daze by Michael Beaulieu | A Book Review

Reckoning Daze by Michael Beaulieu | A Book Review by iamnotabookworm!

Today is Black Saturday for us Catholics. Aside for that, the world is facing a pandemic - Covid 19. A flu like virus that started in Wuhan, China and is now wrecking havoc all over the world. In the Philippines, there are now about 4,100 cases and 1.7 million across the globe. The death count has reached over 102,000 worldwide and 221 in my country. We are all asked to stay in our homes and only go out to buy food and other necessities. Some offices have closed and employees are required to work from home. For others, no work, no pay. It is expected, I really hope not, that after this crisis, a lot of companies will be suffering losses and the economy will be in recession. This pandemic has brought a lot of uncertainties but it has also reminded us of a lot of the simple things we have ignored. This virus reminds us of the most important things in life like family and having just the basics is enough. All other things are either unessential or irrelevant. I hope we all could learn a lot from this scary experience. I hope that when this is over, we will be kinder to each other and to the environment. For us Filipinos, I pray that after this, we may learn to choose very wisely our leaders in the government. This pandemic has clearly shown what type of leaders we have and unfortunately, they haven't been doing a lot of what's expected from them. Only a very few, sadly, I can count with my fingers, that are exceptions. This I pray. Amen.

Reckoning Daze. The author sent me this to review along with another young adult book on witchcraft. I have read this on the later part of 2018 but as you may have noticed, my reviews are very few. I am still struggling until now, of almost two years in my work, of trying to find the right balance between being on a night shift and still be able to do other things. Reading is so easy for me. I can read any time but writing reviews is a totally different thing. It requires a lot of thinking and I found that being on a night shift, most of the time, drains me of all energy when I get home. The only thing to do is sleep. With this quarantine going on and working from home, hopefully, I'd be able to write a few reviews to make a dent on my already overwhelming list. Also, for this weekend, I will try to do as much. So, good luck to me.

As far as I can remember, this story was a bit hard to read. Hard because the main character seems to have it bad. Really bad. Yes, she's an actress and we have this concept that celebrities have a grand life. Well, not all. Lindsay's history and experiences are very harrowing and traumatic. At first, it will appear that the story is going nowhere. It seemed like the main character is intentionally destroying herself. I asked myself if there's an end to this. Fortunately, all my questions were answered before the story ended and thank the book gods, it ended well. The reason for Lindsay's destructive behavior was finally unveiled and her life is like a horror movie. It's sort of a miracle that Lindsay is still alive after all she'd been through. Her being anorexic, I think, is a result also of her tragic experiences growing up. I think, all root causes of all disorders go back to childhood and is related to family issues and domestic violence. I am just thankful that this story has a good ending. In the end, I was also rooting for Lindsay to find her strength amidst the chaos that is her life. 

I think, part of Lindsay's recovery could be attributed to her one best friend Liz. She was always there for her through the good and the bad. She was always dependable and I think that was one thing that kept Lindsay sane also. That she still has one loyal person she can hang on to. Yes, friendship and love does move mountains. Same here for Lindsay. Liz's friendship has helped her in her recovery. But the most important thing of all is of course - self-love. Our self should be the most important thing. It's different from being selfish. Loving one's self is treating yourself with dignity and respect. 

One of the things which resonate with me in this story is self-love. I could honestly say, I don't love myself enough which would directly relate to having a healthy self-esteem. Thank God, I am not self-destructive as Lindsay but I know that I don't love myself enough. I am not sure how to explain it but sometimes I feel like I can't even live with myself. I don't wish to be someone else but I wish that I were always as confident as my other friends. Growing up, I was bullied. I feel like I was a bully magnet, even in college and in some of the companies I've worked for. Sad truth is there are always people who are bullies. They like to make people feel less to make them feel more. What I hate about these situations is realizing that the people you thought were your friends were actually not. So now, I don't worry about not having too many friends. I am happy with just a few knowing these are people I can count on through the distance and no matter what happens. I am proud to say, I have found my people. Get rid of all the negative people in your life. You don't need them.

I give this book 3/5 bitter pills. I honestly don't want to read this story again. It leaves goose bumps and a very uneasy feeling. It's so harrowing to think that what happened to Lindsay here may actually be happening to someone in real life. That's just too mean. No one ever deserves that kind of life, no matter what s/he has done to contribute or to pave the way for those things to happen. One time is enough for me. I don't want to relive Lindsay's experience again. One time is enough and they've been imprinted in my brain. I don't want to read these kind of stories again where tragedy after tragedy strikes the hapless main character. I want him or her to at least fight. To not just let all these bad things happen to her one after the other. To just lay there. To not always be the victim. Again, I am just thankful that Lindsay finally found the courage to end all her suffering. To do something. I think that was what I was waiting for all along. For her to move, even just a tiny bit. To do something, to not let all these people walk all over her. To stop the abuse. And I understand, it was no easy feat. I think it took all of Lindsay's sanity and strength to do that which is very admirable. So, I hope to all those suffering from domestic violence and all other forms of abuse, please seek help. Reach out. I am sure, there is going to be one kind and generous soul who will see right through you and help your plight. You just have to extend your hand and let that other person pull you out. Do not ever think that you deserve that kind of life. No one does, ever!

I think he's been listening. He's just answering my prayers by repeatedly delivering the exact opposite of what I want.

Anorexia is the purest form of self-destruction.

I almost wish I could just binge and purge. But you don't choose your disorder, it chooses you. Sometimes I wonder if it's like being gay or lesbian, if it's not something inside of you, part of your genetic make up.
- Michael Beaulieu, Reckoning Daze -  

Thank you again, Michael Beaulieu for the review copy. Sorry for the long overdue review.